Thursday, March 31, 2011
I wonder what will happen when I draw my last breath; will I be conscious of the end's approach? Will there be anybody waiting in the wings to help me through that doorway, or will I make my departure alone? Will anything I may've accomplished in my lifetime actually count for anything on this plane or the next--if there is one? Will I be held accountable for everything I've done--or not done?
I wonder what purpose my life may have had. I have had dreams--getting published, finding enduring friendships, attaining peace of mind and confidence in myself--yet, if my life's purpose is not to achieve my own dreams but to help others achieve theirs, can I accept that if it's what is required of me? Is there a possibility I will be expected to abandon my own dreams for another purpose and will anything I do have a meaningful impact upon the world around me?
All my life I've harbored the suspicion that there's more to this gig than existing, enduring, and dying. I know that there's more to the human experience than our senses and rationality can identify and quantify; science is already investigating phenomena which were considered pretty fringe once upon a time. Quantum physics, for example, suggests that human intention may influence the behavior of subatomic particles, and I wonder what we will do with that knowledge, should it be proven true.
I wonder where events which are unfolding today will lead us tomorrow. Will democracy be proven to be a failure as a form of government? Will individuality be sacrificed in favor of the greater good of some form of society of which we have no conception now? Is humankind so flawed a species that we stand fated to extinction by our emotional natures, recklessness and greed? Dr. Stephen Hawking has declared humanity doomed, anyway, if we do not find a way of moving out into other worlds; millennia hence the sun will go supernova and this solar system will be consumed and all trace of human presence here will be destroyed and forgotten. Will human beings rise above territorial obsessions long enough to work together toward the survival of our species?
But there is one thing about which I wonder most: is this all there is?
Is the human spirit so powerful and enduring that it can transcend one lifetime? Have we lived more lives than we can possibly imagine? Have we all made mistakes again and again, only to return in attempts to do better in subsequent lifetimes? Have we known each other throughout those lives, having accompanied each other throughout this journey, our relationships as enduring as our souls, and why does it seem so inconceivable that reincarnation may be as normal as the processes of birth and death?
I wonder why we, as a species, are so afraid of the unknown; what is it we really fear?
Goodbye has been an issue all my life. Friends have come and gone but I've continued on in hopes of connecting with friends who would not leave me behind. I always thought I'd have the opportunity to say goodbye to my parents before they died--that didn't happen. My hope is not to die alone, that there will be someone there to tell me goodbye; but I realize now that may not be the case.
Is it possible that life is little more than one goodbye after another? How much pleasure can we take each time we say hello, to begin with, knowing that goodbye is inevitable? And each time we say goodbye to life and to each other and go to wherever it is we go, what do we do there until we come back?
Are we forever just waiting to say hello again?
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
It's Tuesday and we're well into Spring. For over three months of wretched cold, snow, and all the other stuff we associate with winter, I endured and soldiered on, mindful that eventually spring would come, robins would return, and I'd be that much closer to running barefoot through the grass. Well, guess what..
Okay...enough of that.
I haven't been around much in recent weeks; I've been visiting my blogging family, but not commenting much, if at all. My mood has been up-and-down for awhile and I didn't want to be a downer for you guys. Didn't want you to think I haven't been out there; just not very participatory.
To Toodie: I'm glad you're keeping busy, your mood is brighter, and one of your chickie girls Finally produced a single beautiful egg. That alone sure made me feel optimistic! Thank you for sharing that news!
To Neora, I hope all's well in the Realm, and that you have wonderful things awaiting you. (A certain scruffy old bear sends his respects and affection to HRH.)
To Dave. aka, Horace Manure, I'll stop by soon to see if anything new is going on at your little man shack in the woods.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Today? We woke up to this:
Now, while I won't deny that it is pretty
you know these poor things are thinking,
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Friday, March 18, 2011
Here's some things that have been on my mind as of late.
1. I have now officially been alive longer then my Mother ever was. It alternately breaks my heart and makes me more determined then ever to keep moving forward with my life.
2. Last night Pixie feel asleep curled next to me in her little bed, her two little hands holding mine. It was truly a moment I hope never to forget. She is so sweet and loving and I can't stand the thought of her growing up.
3. Therapy is one of the best things I have ever done for myself. Hands down. Best.Ever. It helps that I love my therapist. I can't believe the things she has made me realize and feel. If you've ever thought about doing it, I'm telling you - do it.
4. The Beiber obsession continues in our household. Wonderboy was practicing for a "Sing-Off" that was going to happen at recess today. He had the printed lyrics to Never say Never and has been driving us all mental walking around and singing it. Plus, Pixie tells us about four times a day that she is going to marry Justin Beiber. And I may have - MAY have - put one of his songs on my running playlist. cough*ok, I did*cough.
5. By running playlist, I do not mean a list that keeps running continuously. I mean, I have started running. Been doing it for about a month and I have registered for a 5K in May to keep me going. I don't love it all the time, but I was getting bored with my 30 day shred. I had also spent some time talking about it with my Aunt and she convinced me to give it a try. I don't love it every time, and had a particularly hard go yesterday, but I'm up to 2 and 1/4 miles which makes me feel pretty damn great.
6. Going off of those thoughts - I feel really great that I have finally taken control of my dissatisfaction with my body by doing something about it. It took me long enough to get from the whining stage to the actual doing stage, but I'm there now and it's been very positive. (Again, thanks to the therapist for kicking me off my butt.) (Which is hopefully getting smaller!)
Not like everything is all roses and sunshine. For example, our dog had six kidney stones removed two weeks ago. They actually gave them to us in a little jar. Blech.
In three months I will be 40. I wanted, and needed, to get things in a better place before I reached that milestone and I feel like I have begun that process. Here's hoping I can stick to my guns and keep the progress going.
Monday, March 14, 2011
Our local art show is coming up May 7th and I’m having a VERY hard time picking what three photos (out of a jillion!) I want to enter! What three would you pick from these??
Wow, has it been a wild, crazy and fun couple months! I don’t even know where to start! It’s what I get for waiting so long to blog. lol. Keeping it short and sweet … I had a friend on my Facebook for a year or more before we found out we lived only 20 minutes down the road from each other. Not only that … but both our husbands were in FFA together as young boys! Is that crazy or what? So Laurie called and wanted me to come out to her place. We instantly connected, enjoying each others company and are so comfortable around each other … so much so, that she has been to my house in her pajamas! lol. I love it! These are pictures of her and Barney’s farm animals that I took on our first visit together. I was lucky enough to also catch the birth of a goat! That was pretty wild because Laurie and I were standing next to the pen talking for like 15 minutes before either of us realized this goat was giving birth! If you’re on Facebook you can check out the whole album of photos here … http://www.facebook.com/album.php?id=1408339345&aid=108179
To top this off … Laurie and I went on one wild and crazy adventure helping her friends get on the History Channel’s tv show “American Pickers”! You can read all about it on my FB notes. Check it out here … http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=10150094722683178
but I will at least share my autographed picture from Mike Wolfe and Frank Fritz here. :)
Thursday, March 3, 2011
to you all ,
I’m the Bumble Bee,
the Latin name for me
I work hard ‘til I die,
no retirement plan set,
I collect for the honey
and no thanks do I get
Let me take you back to a warm summers day,
you’re lying in the garden whiling the time away
just worshiping the sun, until suddenly you hear
a slight buzzing, a Bumble Bee working quite near.
He has no time to sit around or be lazy
he works collecting pollen in the sunshine hazy
with food for his young and his queen who await
plus he pollinates the flowers that we anticipate.
Without his help
the plants they would die,
with no cross fertilisation
it would then apply
that future generations
would never ever see
the swathes of beautiful flowers
that bloom so wild and free..
LadyP © 2011
Dedicated to Sheila… a very dear friend..xx
Wednesday, March 2, 2011