Poe was a Packer Fan

If Edgar Allen Poe was alive today, he would most assuredly be a Packer fan. So, here is what his poem "The Raven" would likely look like had he written it this week. Enjoy!

Once upon a Thursday evening, while I sat with the fish I was cleaning
That I had caught on the ice not more than three hours before
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping
As of some NFL team rapping, rapping at my stadium door
“Tis some dumb-ass Viking fan” I muttered –
“only this and nothing more.”

Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December
And as the Vikings fell on their ass then as they have always before
Eagerly I wished the kickoff; - As these “fans” began to piss off
Piss me off even more – So much I hoped we would run up the score
It is time for the man who has beaten them time and time before –
Time to bring out number Four.

Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
“Look dumbass, your team and offense is a bore.”
“Your receivers are all lacking, and your losses are all stacking
Your team unity is simply cracking – your offense cannot even score.”
“Your coach is a moron” this I stated many times before –
“only this and nothing more”

And the purple painted loser, wobbling like some drunken boozer
Thrilled me filling him with fantastic terrors never felt before;
For he cannot help agreeing that no living Viking being
Could survive without fleeing – Fleeing from the number Four
Sharper, Williams, Childress, Johnson or even Mewelde Moore;
Not even their mascot, Pauly Shore.

The scrawny Vikes fan stood shaking, in his stupid Helga hat quaking
Teared up eyes begging that the truth he hear no more
But the thought of cold Lambeau, either with or without snow
A place where no Viking really wanted to go – A place of hallowed lore
With quivering lip full of fear, nay dread of the final score –
He peed himself upon the floor.